I got it on Saturday and just seeing it made me cry, bringing back so many memories of the basset I had loved for over ten years. Since he passed away just over a month ago I have of course been thinking of him but the random crying was down to a minimum and I was smiling more than crying. Still missing him but feeling so grateful to have had as much time with him as we did. Enjoying old photos and remembering stories of Kingsley being Kingsley. One of a kind he was.
The paw print made it all fresh again and I held it and ran my fingers over it, remembering the bossy paw that would hit my leg or arm when it was time to be fed or go for a walk. After having a bit of a cry, I put it back in it’s container, stood up and dropped it.
I saw it fall in slow motion, reaching for it as it fell. I heard myself saying “NOOOOOOOO…..” as it fell and I think I started crying before it hit the ground. Then I sat and looked at the broken memory and cried. Then I slowly opened the container and looked at the pieces and cried. I held the pieces and cried. I tried to put them back together and cried.
I put them aside for awhile because looking at them just broke my heart every time I saw them and I would start crying again. They can’t make another one, it’s a one of a kind, just like Kingsley. I found this out after a call to the vet clinic, it was worth a shot to ask. I wasn’t sure how they made them. Then I cried again. It was like losing Kingsley all over again. Dramatic yes, overly so, probably.
The next day I went and bought glue and hoped it would work. It did. It’s not perfect as you can see but the pieces are back together. I can again run my hands over it and hold it. It is now back in it’s container and in a safe place. Perhaps the cracks are more fitting for Kingsley. He was a basset from a broken home, which gave him two homes to be spoiled and loved in and my heart broke when he passed away. I miss him everyday and now looking at the broken paw print, perhaps this is how it should be.
No matter that it broke and now shows the cracks of my clumsiness. No matter that I broke a one of a kind memory of my boy. I think my boy, Kingsley, would shake his head and think…… OF COURSE she dropped it….. have you met her? If he was here he would roll his eyes (I swear he could roll his eyes) and give me that look, that look that I miss so much.
It is still just as precious to me and now I’ll forever keep it in a safe place, taking it out occasionally and running my fingers over it. A reminder of my boy and that we aren’t perfect but that there is a beauty in putting the pieces back together.