This is a picture of a lion that sat on my desk for over ten years. He was the one I complained to, thought of unleashing on engineers that were bothering me (and later project managers). I have a vivid imagination thinking of him doing the dirty work was able to keep my thoughts to myself, except for the eye roll (always had a problem suppressing that).
He was given to me in 2003 after Roy (of Seigfried and Roy) was bitten by Montecore, the “post it” says “Roy was delicious…..” He was given to me by one of my favourites who also had a slightly twisted (okay REALLY twisted) sense of humour. Now I look at him sitting in my living room and it still hasn’t sunk in that I am unemployed. I have no job, no benefits, no where to be, no deadlines I need to meet. Although I keep thinking of things that are due, timelines coming up and people I should contact. It’s a hard thing to shake.
I took a few weeks off from the blog because I was just tired, leaving as it turns out is exhausting. My head was partially thinking of everything I had to do at work, partially thinking of what I would do with my time off and partially thinking WTF have I done?
It was not a decision I came by lightly. I had been with the company and the previous one for fifteen years) Yes the last year had been hard and I don’t feel that I was treated fairly but that is not why I left. It had been building for some time that it was time to take a leap and try something new. Then a crappy start to the year, an ever growing feeling and oddly my horoscope all pointed to it being time. Both my Western horoscope and Chinese horoscope pointed to a year of change.
This is from my horoscope on my birthday, I had already given in my notice “In the year ahead, something you have been involved with for about nine years will end or diminish”.
The company I was with turns ten today. It has come to an end for me and the company. Ten years ago the company I started with merged with another. The former was a smaller company, run by the Irish and it felt like a family. The new company while there is still a lot of good people there no longer has that family feel. The supportive environment seems to be gone (in my experience) and so it is time to move on.
Now I can only think of the fun and crazy times I’ve had there. The number of good people who walked through those doors and the many that are still there. I’m not sure how it got so far away from where it started. Bureaucracy, people concerned with covering their asses and looking good on paper seemed to take over. I’m still trying to get back to centre after dealing with anxiety for much of last year and I realized I was not going to get better in that environment. On paper they wanted to be helpful but he actions didn’t match up.
So now I am taking the summer off, a gift to myself. Then I don’t know, I’m trying not to think about it right now. The realization that I don’t have a pay cheque coming in is freaking me out a bit. What I do have is time. Time to focus on what I want to do and taking care of myself. In the time off I am planning on doing yoga, cycling and writing.
No excuses now, if I always wanted to be a writer now is the time to put my money where my mouth is. I’m sure I’ll be writing a lot of crap but perhaps somewhere in all that I’ll find a gem or two. Maybe I’ll take those gems and incorporate them into an outline and develop some memorable characters. It is what I plan to focus on in the coming months.
Happy Birthday to me, one thing ending and an exciting new future beginning.