During dinner on Saturday with my friend (Love you!) we were catching up on what’s been going on with us. She is married with two children and teaches yoga, also lives in the burbs. I am single, live close to downtown, with hobbies and a part-time dog. We get together pretty regularly but usually we have stuff to catch up on. Work, how her kids are doing, how we’re feeling. The usual stuff, mixed with gossip, bad jokes and critiquing how other people dress.
She has been really busy lately and the kids are home and she has a husband hanging around. Her husband is a WONDERFUL man and I really love how they are together (possibly even more now). My friend is the kind of person who needs alone time. She needs space to take a breath and recharge, then she’s happy to come back to the land of the living. This space has been lacking lately and with general life stuff she was starting to go squirrelly, which I can relate to (I had a total melt down on a family vacation a few years ago but this isn’t about me).
Being tired, just feeling generally rundown and frustrated she was pretty happy when her kids asked to have dinner at a friends. This was great, the husband was suppose to bring home some wine, they would have dinner and a quiet night. FANTASTIC!
She waited for the husband to come home. She checked her phone, no message. She waited. She decided to have a bath. Usually this would calm her down but not today. She was missing a glass of wine to go with the bath. Sometime in the bath she started the loop in her head, the loop that turns into a snowball because your calm rational side fell asleep in the tub.
WHERE THE HELL WAS HE???????
Now out of the tub and checking her phone again. Her mind started to tell her, isn’t that inconsiderate? How was she suppose to enjoy wine if there was no wine? Shouldn’t he AT LEAST call or text to say when he’ll be home? Was she just suppose to wait around until it’s convenient for him to come home? (She has never been the kind to WAIT for a guy and that includes her husband). Communication ……was that really so difficult? He’s the one that said he would bring home wine!!!!!!
WHERE THE HELL WAS HE????????
Working herself into a frenzy and being almost beyond livid at this point she thought there were three options 1) He’s dead 2) He’s in the hospital and can’t use his cell phone 3) He’s an asshole
In her mood she wasn’t worried, she was PISSED and if it turned out to be one or two at this point they would be barely acceptable. At a later date she might feel bad but not today.
She tried sending him a text but her phone froze (I think that was a sign, karma telling her WHOA think about this). What did the text say?
Are you 1) Dead 2) In the hospital 3) Just an asshole?
The phone froze and almost came to an ugly end from her frustration. Now she was going to call. In her mood even she knows this is probably not the best idea, so she did but had a plan.
She called and he answered.
She hung up. As soon as he said “Hello” she was satisfied that the answer was “Just an asshole”. HAH! She knew it! Some brief relief from the feeling of frustration with the feeling of TRIUMPH! She was right, he’s an asshole. This was her mindset as she waited again for her husband to come home.
Her husband arrived home very shortly after. With wine. He apologized and tried to appease her but it was gonna take a good night sleep for rational thought and behaviour to come home.
What was his defence? He knew that she was tired and when tired often likes time alone. He had sent a text earlier saying he was going for a pint but she hadn’t gotten it. This was still his fault. DIDN’T YOU THINK IT WAS WEIRD THAT I DID’NT RESPOND?????????
Yes, yes he did but no news is good news and on his end he thought everything was okay. He had finished a job and gone for a pint at the local pub. Thinking he was doing the right thing and giving her the space she often requires. There was no winning in this situation. Her husband just sucked it up and let her be.
In the morning rational thought did come back, she realized that he is not an asshole and is in fact a kind, patient, caring husband.
This is how you know a good relationship, it’s not how people handle you at your best but how they handle you at your worst. When you go squirrelly, when you’re just mad and frustrated. He’s been through it before, he’ll go through it again (especially with two daughters approaching the teen years, he’s gonna need the pub).
Only one word of advice for the Husband, next time drop off the wine and THEN go to the pub. You don’t even have to stop for long, just open the door, set it down and yell “WINE”. She’ll just come and pick it up, hug it, open it, debate putting a straw in it before she finds a glass and not think twice about you going to have a pint at the pub.
This way you won’t ever have to come home to her wearing an “I’m with asshole…..” t-shirt.