Once you’ve broken up the most constructive thing to do is stop the blame game. Give up on blaming, the name calling, the reasons for the break up. Once you’ve hit the point where it’s over, drop it. The reasons no longer matter. Time to move forward. If you keep pointing fingers hoping to hear the words you longed to hear in the relationship or the explanation for their actions you will be disappointed.

Focus on you, on moving ahead. The blame game leads to running in circles and generally more things being said that you can’t take back.

It is not up to you to make the other person understand what you believe they did wrong. Not your place to enlighten them on their flaws. Once you break up the other person is no longer your business. What they do, who they see, how they conduct themselves, not your business.

Blame also tends to be about failed expectations, something you thought the other person should do or should know. If they didn’t know they were suppose to do these things or know these things while you were together it’s not going to help to yell at them now for being a disappointment.

Wish them a good day and move on. Focus on what needs to happen during the transition. Packing up, splitting up assets, sorting out finances. Focus on cutting all the ties so you have a clean slate and the freedom to move on. That includes leaving the blame behind. It’s hard to move forward when you’re dragging around resentment and still going off about the past.

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